hello I’m tom the owner of tom’s blacksmith open most of the time and I’m always happy to help with weapons and armor and many more so don’t be scared to ask for help my blacksmith is located at The North Pole in Empire of Linseria so just come and get your weapons and armor today (Looking for a builder ) (ID #ccotiue9gbrk70sf7u8g)
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What’s the room ID? Has it been publicly linked to Linseria yet, or are you looking to have a builder look over it and hook it up?
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Looking for a builder right now so nothing is open yet
here is the room ID #ccotiue9gbrk70sf7u8g
Sounds amazing! I might visit sometime!
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I took a look and it seems it needs a bit more work.
Title
Please use the proper capitalisation for the title (Tom’s Blacksmith).
Description
There are several grammar issues in the description. It might be tricky to find them so you can either
- ask someone to proofread it for you (if in doubt, poke me)
- try some of the online proofreaders or maybe the one that’s built into Word if you got that one. I can suggest a free account at prowritingaid.com (non-affiliated link, I’ve just been their customer for many years). It’s not perfect but it highlights some of the more glaring issues.
Exits
The exit names should follow the title capitalisation rules and it generally helps to be brief there. In your case I’d rename ‘exit to Commercial District’ to ‘Leave the Blacksmith’.
Please use shorter exit keywords. It’s tricky to type go exit to commerc on mobile, it’s much better to have back or out as a keyword becasue go back is a common thingy around Wolfery.
Your exit messages are very dry and they help a lot when you want to add a bit of flavour to the room. Here’s an example.
Right now, if you leave the room you get a message:
Shinyuu goes back.
Which isn’t bad, but where’s ‘back’? A super simple way to make it better would be
Shinyuu goes back to the commercial district.
or even
Shinyuu goes outside.
arrival messages are even more important. When you stand outside you see
Shinyuu arrives.
From where? What just happened? But if you expand it, it’s so much nicer:
Shinyuu squeezes through the blacksmith’s door and returs to the street.
Area
You’ll need an area for the blacksmith even if it’s only one room for now. Check help build areas for a quick intro and the builders’ academy in the deep forest for more practical examples.
Your area description could be brief but it should set the mood for the place. Why it’s there? What it’s about? Your rules must outline what is and isn’t permissable in there (and if you don’t know you can always copy-and-pase the parent area’s rules (the Linseria ones).
Areas help you first and foremost, because that’s how people see there’s someone else in your rooms and they come to explore.
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Thanks for the advice
Gave Tom’s blacksmith proofreading, corrected all grammar errors I could find without changing the style, and also rearranged the description to be better readable.
As for proofreading/having issues with grammar: I advise having the browser extension of Grammarly active. It works with Wolfery and while its free version is not the best, its dynamic aid is at least useful to direct your eye to mistakes.
I haven’t touched anything else but the title and description, so the remaining advices are still standing.
omg thank you so much i love it
ok now i just need a builder the can help me set everything up but i just want to say thanks
to you all for all the help
ok now i need help with making it allowing people to go in pls help
Poke me in-game when you’re around and we’ll go through the rest of the feedback.