I made this!

[Aletheia]

Ok, is the first time I make a post here and I am genuinely nervous since I am not practical at all with forums and such… But I have created an area! And I would be grateful if someone’s could visit it, explore it a bit and eventually, tell me if everything is fine!

I was thinking about adding it to the main world (or in the dark forest, or public if people really like it), but that is not up to me! (ofc) And if you like it, let me know, or if I need to modify things! (especially English, because I am not a native, and even if my level is fluent enough, mistakes can still happen)

Currently, I am modifying all the pictures using AI generated ones, so many are still place holders.

I hope you can hop there, explore and have some fun, everyone is welcome in Nox Aetherna (P.S currently some people have seen it, and many were friends of mine, but I’d like others to see it too!^^)
Is a dark fantasy world where war and pestilence made the city a dying place…There are lores scattered around, so if you like exploring you may have some fun wandering around here!

Starting Room: The Void #cdvruj69gbrkrv3sdnf0

Hope I made everything correctly, have a good day! Hope I haven’t made this topic too long tho…

[Shinyuu]

I’m roaming around and so far I like the theme (although it does give me a noticeable Umber Point vibe). Here’s a few brief observations:

• you should really use the (( … )) syntax for all the OOC room notices. Some of those are IC, some are OOC and the way they are mixed together makes it a bit confusing if you’re talking to the character or the player, especially given the second point

• pretty much everything in the build is written in the second person POV. While that can work to some extent, that actaully gives a vibe of the godmodding that’s so shuned upon in the area’s own rules: with the second person POV you force the experiencves onto the characters even if they don’t want them. It also leads to some clunky sentences like:

  Reaching the upper floor two doors can be seen

  where you seen to have tried reducing the influence on the player’s characters. To me it reads unnecesarily complicated though, I mean, why not just do

  There are two doors:

  You reduce nine words to four this way, and you lose nothing. The character already reached the upper floor, they got the travel message just for that, there’s no need to re-iterate what you wrote in that message.

• on the room exit messages: they need to start with a lowercase letter and end with a period (or any other appropriate punctuation) so they read as a sentence, when prefixed with the character’s name. This is good (but needs a period in the end):

  Shinyuu exits the shop and goes back to the Nox Alley

  This has mixed up case and is harder to read:

  Shinyuu Steps into the tavern

  And this just does’nt work as a sentence:

  Shinyuu You walk away, looking for a tavern

• dead end rooms generally suck for the explorers. Take the Stairs as an example:

  They bring you upstairs, to the private part of the house. Only if people lead you there you may join.

  Yes, the exit is hidden

  From the character POV I don’t see why I stand in the staircase and cannot go up uther than OOC decision. Try to look at your build from the perspective of a visiting character (not the player). What stops them from heading up? One easy answer is that they don’t see the staircase! If you make the exit towards the stairs hidden, then there’s no confusing because the character stands at the entrance and cannot find the stairs.

• There’s a bunch of typos, but those are easily fixable.

I think this build totally has merit, but it needs to be cleaned up a bit. Do you have any idea how do you want people to travel through to it? When I saw the void thingy I thought it’d be a nice segue through the valley which is very close to the void lore-wise, but I’m not sure if a large city should be exited like that.

Feel free to poke me in-game if you need any advice on typos or sentence structure. I don’t say you need to do major re-writing if you don’t feel like it, though, generally cleaning up the typos would be good enough (and I can give a hand with that).

[Aletheia]

First of all thank you for take your time and give me a hand to see how my little project is going! I really appreciate it!

@Shinyuu

you should really use the (( … )) syntax for all the OOC room notices

Ok noted, didn’t know I could do that for room desc as well!

@Shinyuu

pretty much everything in the build is written in the second person POV. While that can work to some extent, that actaully gives a vibe of the godmodding that’s so shuned upon in the area’s own rules: with the second person POV you force the experiencves onto the characters even if they don’t want them. It also leads to some clunky sentences like:

Mhhh, I wanted to try to give the person the feeling of being there for real, but I guess I miserably failed it, I’ll find a way to modify this one!

@Shinyuu

on the room exit messages: they need to start with a lowercase letter

A bad problem of mine, I’m used to start with a uppercase letter, but is not a big deal modify them (Not as difficult as make the exits messages, I hated that part so much ) and yeah, I’ll try to take down the eventual “you enter the…” thing

@Shinyuu

From the character POV I don’t see why I stand in the staircase and cannot go up uther than OOC decision.

Yeah, that’s the Villa. I wanted to separate the private part (where there isn’t really much going on) and the public one (where there may be some interesting things, such as some lores here and there) I guess I will modify the desc to give the character a justification on why the entrance is hidden, now I can’t really think about much, but with time I’ll get a few ideas…

Thanks again for your time and help! I thought it was worse to be honest, since is the very first area I make, and as the typos, I’ll work on it calmly, don’t really want to bother you a lot!

[Soulwing]

Ok, I gave it a brief look. I quite like what you present here, but there are two nitpicks you should address.

• The arrival message. You sometimes use it correctly, sometimes incorrectly. The arrival message will get played for others in the destination room. Example: Exit from the church to the graveyard: Player steps out of the church arriving in the graveyard. (Your example: Player arrives silently from the graveyard. This should get played in the exit graveyard-church.) Check each exit if you have accidentally done a switcheroo and while at it finish the sentences all with a dot.

• Subareas: I noticed that the hospital for example is its own area. But it is not linked to Nox Aetherna. Use the following command to parent Nox to the buildings set area Hospital: parent = Nox Aetherna. It will now be visible in its parent map

[Aletheia]

@Soulwing

The arrival message. You sometimes use it correctly, sometimes incorrectly.

Yeah, the exits messages gave me so many problems! Still fixing them up, thanks for letting me notice!

@Soulwing

Subareas: I noticed that the hospital for example is its own area. But it is not linked to Nox Aetherna.

Oh my, this is a thing?! I learn so much everyday! Thank you Thank you !

[Aura]

I visited Nox Aetherna the other day, thanks to an invitation from a friend~ I loove the look and feel of the place, it feels like a city right out of Cosmic Horror fantasy, with great Bloodborne and Vampyr vibes!

There’s a lot to read with charming places too! I hope it gets linked soon, I believe people who enjoy darker environments and backgrounds will love it too!

[Aletheia]

Vampyr and A Plague Tale:Innocence were my biggest inspirations! I’m glad you like it!