Guidelines on custom tag descriptions?

[Kelmi]

I recently joined Wolfery after seeing an ad on FA. I’ve had lots of fun and plenty of people seem friendly and approachable in various scenarios. The place seems interesting and I love the tag system and the ability to check out what to expect from characters and players beforehand. I think it’s a core feature in creating a safe space that’s also sex positive and kink friendly.

However, in my short time here I’ve noticed a slightly unsettling trend of people adding dislike tags and then using the custom description to write something along the lines of “Ewwwwwww”, “That’s nasty” or “WTF is wrong with you” (paraphrasing). This is really alienating to see even if those specific tags don’t apply to my personal preferences in any way. Maybe I’m just too empathetic to people who they might apply to, and the tags I’ve seen those comments on aren’t even extreme kinks.

Are there really no rules or guidelines on what should go into custom tag descriptions to create a positive interaction environment? What should be done, if anything, when someone sees a character pop into the online list with something like that on there?

[lady1]

Agreed. saying ‘I don’t like this’ on… a non-con custom tag is fine. The line should be drawn at ‘what the f#ck? Consent guys?’ (I just made that up of the top of my head) seems mean and judgmental in my eyes.

[Raeth]

Hi, Kelmi, and welcome to Wolfery! My name is Raeth and I’m a member of the moderator team. n_n The rules really drive home the core values of Wolfery. The very first thing listed when on help rules are the Player Etiquette guidelines. “Be nice”, “Be clear”, and “Be respectful”. But also, “No public toxicity” can certainly come into play. While it’s okay, and often important, to broadcast things that you dislike so that players are aided in meeting your expectations and succeeding in interactions with you, judgemental or degrading sentiment regarding others’ interests are not okay, or welcome on Wolfery!

If you encounter a player who has a tag or other profile information that is disrespectful or unkind, please use the in-game report function to notify moderators! (See help report in-game, or see the “…” on a focused message for the Report option.)

Please also be sure that you follow the same rules, even if you encounter such behavior. In any situation where you cannot remain nice, clear, and respectful, you should recuse yourself and/or contact a moderator. If you’re not sure if something warrants a report or not, please act on the side of caution and submit a report, or use the helpme channel to ask for assistance!

[the-floof]

Common courtesy, anyone? Saying “wtf” and other harmful things in tags is just… Harmful. I put a reason why I don’t like a particular thing, personally.
I’m sorry you’ve seen these, and I have as well. It would be nice if people could simply say “No thank you, not interested” and leave out the “you’re gross” etc parts. Bleh.
Equality and acceptance! Also full support to whoever chu are and whatever chu like uwu

TL;DR: people should leave out the mean parts in anything, and everyone should read the ruels once in a while :'3
P.S.: my opinion is, you just do you, you are awesome

[Kelmi]

@moz386

Let them have their opinion – if they have a tag that says something you like is ‘gross’ or ‘nasty,’ they’re not calling you out, they’re making it clear that thing is repulsive to them in the most effective way possible.

I appreciate that you think so, and there’s nothing wrong with being accepting of such people, but that is literally kinkshaming and a form of psychological abuse that can easily jeopardize the welcoming atmosphere and the psychological safety offered by the golden rule of be nice, be clear, be respectful here. Not to mention that we’re talking about slightly less polite wordings than ‘gross’ or ‘nasty’ here, really.

There is no need to tolerate intolerance in public speech.

[Aletheia]

@moz386

How people describe themselves is a strong indicator of their personality type. That information enables you to decide if you want to interact with them.

True. It does help you to understand with what kind of person you are interacting with, but still there are ways and ways to say that you like and don’t like a specific thing, from kinks to other aspects of a RP. (So going from BDSM to Godmodding and the like)
Now I will make an example with myself: I don’t like the idea of underage characters being sexualised, but I just state:“Will interact in a SFW context, but not NSFW” because nsfw with an underage character makes me uncomfortable, but I try to sound as friendly as I can even if is something I don’t like, even when is something that hurts me deeply (non consensual is one of them.)

Having different opinions is completely valid! But is how you express your ideas that makes the difference: words have a deep value, and you shouldn’t understimate it.
Sometimes, I even keep changing the tag I put because I read it, and think that someone can read it in the wrong tone, or feel called out when is not something I aimed to.

[Kelmi]

@moz386

You make the choice of how to read information someone makes available widely. If you choose to view it negatively, the only person who suffers is you, unless you make a significant effort to impress those feelings on others.

And here you move from defending kink shaming to defending victim blaming. I recommend taking a moment to introspect on this. In the meantime I will respectfully disagree with this viewpoint in the sternest possible way.

This is exactly the kind of mental gymnastics that transphobes use to justify their actions for example. “It’s not my fault that you get offended from being misgendered.” No, just stop with that bull straight away.

As to the last point, it’s a fairly reasonable default position to take that any speech that you place to be publicly available is public speech. Any other definition needs to have some good justifications behind it. Again you allude to the victim blaming as if checking profiles on the platform wouldn’t be a thing people are generally expected to do. Stop and think for a moment before going any further with this.

[Raeth]

I will make it very clear. If you intend to disrespect people or express hateful thoughts toward them, you are not welcome here and should leave immediately so long as you harbor that intent. When an issue arises, it is the moderation’s job to reasonably determine your intent with what you write. It is your responsibility as an adult to communicate effectively. Our moderation staff is committed to upholding the rules and creating an inclusive environment. Any behavior contrary to that will be dealt with harshly.